recollections of an artist

For years, I thought I was a morning person.  I could wake up early, be at work early (and actually function) and could have a productive day. It is only in the last year or so that I realized I hate the morning.  In fact, I am really a night person.  So sitting here this early and writing this is actually a huge stretch for me!

It has taken a long time of self reflection to realize the things I truly like.  I thought because I could do something and it worked meant that I liked it.  Looking back, I see that the eight cups of coffee (not to mention the frequent illegal substances that I used to get me going) and the ten thousand alarms I had to set to wake up early was probably a strong indicator that I really wasn’t a morning person. I was just barely able to do it.

A friend of mine shared a story with me about a friend of hers.  This friend she spoke of (after quite a few years of deep self exploration on herself) finally realized her favorite color in fact was not blue.  How often do we go through our lives doing things without really thinking about them?  Or never try new things to see if we like something else more?  As it turns out, I really love the night.  It is the best time for me in my studio.  When most of the world is home, comfortable inside and settling down, I’m just getting started.  So why did I fight this for so long?  Well, it just wasn’t the standard “normal” and I thought this made it wrong.  I tried to force myself into working during the same hours as a majority of society when I don’t have to.  I have the freedom right now to work when I want to, so what was the holdup?

Coming up in my last year of grad school, knowing what I like is finally coming together.  It turns out, I don’t have to strictly be a painter, sculptor, photographer, etc.  I can be all those and more if it pleases me!  I just had to learn to be able to trust in it.  I think being able to find what I like requires more than just self exploration.  It also requires a commitment.  To not be afraid if something doesn’t fit in with what others are doing.  Maybe it is about finding other like minded people, because we are never truly alone in our thoughts.  We just have to want to find what we are looking for.  It’s about realizing a few of my favorite things (as the song goes) and whether it is popular or not, common or uncommon, new or old, it’s knowing what I like.


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