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recollections of an artist

I recently had a birthday and I am feeling like this one marks another “turning point”.  I’ve never been concerned with getting old and rarely think of age when I form relationships with people.  I think what they say is true- you are only as old as you feel (or act!!).  I actually believe that getting old is a privilege that too few of us recognize as the gift that it is.

I’m blessed to be able to say that I am officially 26 now.  I have always considered myself to be a fake adult (noun. A person who is legally an adult by age, but maintains the characters of a person who is underage.  Example: One who continues to use paper bills to pay for their rent because, while they have a bank account, they refuse to buy checks for fear of having to balance the checkbook). Having said that, I can proudly say that about a year and a half ago, I ordered checks.  And I am so far successfully keeping the checkbook in balance.  My most recent past landlord was grateful that I stopped putting large sums of money in envelopes that were labeled, “drug money” or “bail money” and my current landlord is also appreciative considering he is on the other side of the country.

Now I know that having a checkbook doesn’t make you an adult.  So then what does?  A dear friend used the phrase “stop chasing the ghost” when referring to another situation.  But that got me thinking about that a little more.  What was my own ghost that I was still chasing?  I going to relieve you of the suspense and straight up say I don’t know yet.  However, I am now looking out for it. For my 26th year, I want to find what my ghost is and be able to greet it like an old friend, but say farewell to dwelling in it.  I want to be able to walk forward with a comfortable relationship with my past.  I want to stop using my energy to try and revive the past, because no matter how hard I try, it will never truly be the same anyway because the only constant in life is change.  So while I may try and push the fake adult thing for a little while more, I think I am also going to try and push myself to stop chasing the ghost.

 

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