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recollections of an artist

1. If you ever want to paint your apartment, you’ll always have a trustworthy set of eyes to help you choose colors.

(They’ll probably even help you paint, and you can trust them to do a good job. Just make sure you supply cool jams and good pizza. Domino’s ain’t gonna cut it.)

2. They probably have a nicer camera than you, meaning every party photo of you is high rez and well lit.

3. You know your artsy BFF will always be up for a boozy craft night.

4. There’s nothing better than getting handcrafted valentines every February (unless it’s a card with money in it, obviously. Or cookies. Or brownies).

5. Easter can be frustrating, what with your artsy friend making better eggs than you, but if you’re sneaky you can steal an egg or two.

6. Getting new glasses is so much less stressful thanks to your friend’s eye for form, shape, color, line and value.

7. And you’ll never have to worry about leaving the house in something mismatched, because your friend is just a text away.

8. Artsy best friends are usually sensitive souls, so you can bare your heart to them.

9. You never have trouble making sense of IKEA directions thanks to your friend’s keen DIY ability.

10. You learned more from your friend’s coffee table books than all your college art history courses put together.

11. If you’re lucky you get to pose for their art projects. It’s sort of like being a model, except it’s unpaid and you might have to hold raw meat at some point.

12. You can go to the museum together and ask them all your dumb questions, like, “What is paint made out of?” and “Why do all these statues have such tiny dicks?”

13. Seeing animated movies with them is fun and informative because they always have tidbits about the animation process. Stuff like, “This movie took 8 years to animate!” and “Did you know Jonathan Taylor Thomas couldn’t stop burping in the recording studio?”

14. You know the difference between a graphic designer, interior designer, and industrial designer because you have been fiercely corrected before.

15. You have a go-to person to draw you tattoos (as long as you pay them, be it in cash, beer, or food).

16. Come Christmastime, they always have the best handmade ornaments (and if you’re lucky, you might get one).

17. Or better yet, you’ll get a hand knitted scarf to keep you warm, and then you’ll feel really bad about the Iron Man 2 DVD you got them in return.

18. If your friend ever gets famous, you can ride their coattails to all the elite parties.

19. And if they won’t let you ride their success to fame and fortune, you can just sell the crafty stuff they’ve given you over the years on eBay.

It has been my experience over the years that this list is as true as truth gets.  Except for the whole bearing your soul to me.  I’m not saying I wouldn’t listen, but I will probably be simultaneously thinking about what kind of installation I could make in the room we are in. What can I say.  This is, after all, a list of the nineteen perks of having an artsy best friend.

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