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recollections of an artist

Lately I have felt like I have been running around in a rut.  Running to try and change the way things are going but not quite sure that I am really making new tracks or just deeper old tracks.  Whether is has to do with my artwork or my personal life, my biggest fear is not taking enough risk to grow.

Regardless of whether we want it or not, we have time.   No one for sure knows how much or how long, but we have a set amount of time to exist.  Our whole lives can be summed up to an amount of time consisting of what one person wants to do in the world. We all have that opportunity.

What I have been struggling with lately is wondering if what I am doing is clearing the path for new things.  I have the most difficult time with things that take a while to mature. For instance, I would have the world’s worst vineyard.  I would be so anxious to see if my grapes were of a certain quality that I would take a sip way too early, completely destroying any good taste test.  There is a big fear for me in going in a new direction and not be sure if it’s the right one.  I know I won’t see it as a waste of time if it doesn’t work out, because it evidently was prepping me for what was next, but in our current world of getting things done quicker, faster, better, I want to see results as soon as possible.  Patience is more of a virtue than ever.

Can I afford to let myself go down the sidewalks of my own life?  Or jump on that train who’s destination is a mystery at the start?  Of course, but more importantly, I am seeing that  I need to trust it.  Because what’s the worst that could happen?  A good Ol’ fashion nightmare? Or maybe the possibility of something really extraordinary.

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